When it Rains...it Pours!!



GOD's Rainbow (a symbol of His Promise of Hope)



I have been experiencing a lot of rain and bad thunderstorms(literally) while walking in the desert! But in life there can also be rain and thunderstorms. This pouring rain can either be a lot of good stuff, an overwhelming of bad stuff or even a mix of both. This past week has been a mix for me. So much so that the stress of it all took a toll on my health late last night. In midst of being at home group I found myself trying very hard to gain control of my extremities as they began to tingle and shake. During this time I was desperately trying to calm and reassure myself that I was going to be ok even though at the time I was on the verge of passing out and throwing up.

The circumstances in our life can take an emotional toll on our health causing our heart to feel like a never ending roller coaster. Fear and panic sets in. You try to tell yourself you're going to be ok when in the back of your mind you're wondering if something is really wrong or if you should just take the chance and wait it out and see if it will pass!?! You may even think you're handling everything well. Until you become physically ill and realize that isn't the case. Which is what happened to me last night.

There are many storms of life. Some you are blind sided by and others you may seem coming. Either way you can't escape them. You have to wait it out and walk through the storm to get to the other side to see that Rainbow of GOD's Promise of Hope after that storm. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." As a child I never liked the rain but I am quickly learning to embrace it since it seems this season of life I am in is filled with theses storms. And not all storms are bad. Some may be positive change moving in the right direction but this positive change may still be accompanied with fear and anxiety.

I think back over this week and the 8 events that took place and the unpleasant things that happened. Yet out of those 8, 5 of these events were than countered with a positive experience or response. But all of this can still be overwhelming! Hence my health scare...but at least this time I didn't have to make a trip to the hospital and that is a indeed a positive! It's only Thursday and it seems like the possibility of more things happening is very likely...unfortunately. But I have found this to be true: Things are rarely what they seem and people and circumstances will always let you down! You need to ask yourself how much time, energy and power you're giving these circumstances and people. Because if you put your everything into these tangible things than you will always be let down! And you will be unable to see the rainbow peering through those clouds. :)

Romans 8:18 "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us."

Ezekiel 1:28 "Like the appearance of a rainbow in the clouds on a rainy day, so was the radiance around him. This was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the LORD. When I saw it, I fell facedown, and I heard the voice of one speaking."

~~Don't forget to look for that rainbow after the storm!~~ :)

Speaking Engagement...

Next month marks 3 yrs since my world was suddenly turned upside down. A time in my life that caused me to question everything I believed in. Events that I thought I'd never recover from or overcome. Now before, during and even after these events took place I had been getting more involved in my community and local organizations especially the Pro-Life movement.
 Even being known by the name "Esther" through out the Pro-Life community because of my involvement. And just like Esther was the voice for the Jews by risking her life for their safety. The Pro-Life individuals who stand outside the abortion mills praying and risking their lives (as they're threatened, arrested and some physically harmed) are also the voice for GOD's people...not just the Jewish race but the voice for an entire pre-born population (which includes ALL races)!!

I have always loved this verse: Esther 4:14 "For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews/pre-born(added) from another place, but you and your father's house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" Esther has always been my favorite book of the Bible as well as my favorite female Bible Hero...because she is a woman of profound strength and courage! A woman who risked her life and used her voice to save an entire race that had been sentenced to death! Over the years I have longed for the strength and courage of Esther to be able to use my voice to fight the injustice of this world!

Sadly though there have been more times than not when my voice has been silenced and the courage to stand up and use it stripped away from me by others.  So over the past 3 yrs I have been working on regaining that strength and finding the courage to finally use my voice! My life verse while "Walking With GOD In The Desert" over these past years has been: Genesis 50:20 "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." During these trials, tests and tribulations that I have gone through, experienced and continue to go through - this verse has encouraged me that everything I have endured has not been in vain but indeed has a purpose!

Which brings me to my defining moment...my "Esther" moment, so to speak. The "such a time as this" moment that GOD has been preparing me for. I had no idea that He would choose to use me in such an incredible way! That He would grant me this desire, this longing of my heart that I have had for quite some time! This incredible opportunity is an honor and such an humbling experience for me!  This opportunity, this moment when I step forward with the strength and courage that Esther had that day, is taking place in a couple months when I will be standing/speaking before 130 women as their key note speaker!

As I prepare to stand before these women of all walks of life: Women who have struggled and suffered. Women who are broken, discouraged, alone and at their "witz end". Women who have been rejected, betrayed, lied to and violated in the worst ways. I now have the humbling opportunity to use my own life experiences to encourage and inspire! To speak truth and shower them with GOD's love! And to use my voice to speak on behalf of hundreds of thousands of women whose voices have been silenced and to represent those who will never be able to use their voice again! I have the honor to stand before them with the strength and courage of Bible Heroes of the past on this platform GOD has given and entrusted me with. Leading by example by showing these women that they can overcome and survive anything and that they're not walking through this ALONE!!

I don't know how GOD is going to use me on this defining day. Even if 1 woman can find the strength and courage to find and use her voice! Then everything I went through was indeed not in vain and my time speaking in front of these women was a great success!! Please pray for me as I prepare my speech for this women's event. That GOD will give me the words He wants me to speak.  I have never spoken on this type of platform before. So I am a little nervous but very excited and I feel truly blessed!
Thank you again for your prayers and I will keep you posted! :)

What books am I reading??...

Well I am notorious for reading more than one book at a time with pen and highlighter in hand. What can I say I am my Father's daughter!! :) My Dad is one of the smartest people I know and after seeing him read about 4 books at a time with pens and highlighters in hand. I knew there had to be good reason for this and there is ...you actually learn more, retain more and it causes me to crave more knowledge. And knowledge is power!!


So here are the books I am reading right now:
•Lady In Waiting
•More Beautiful You
•Gift of Fear
•Calm My Anxious Heart
•The Resolution for Women
•Lies Women Believe

Yes you read that correctly...I am reading 6 books at the same time. My goal is to have them read by the end of August and I plan on writing a post on each. I just love reading a good book(s). Don't you!?! :)

Shattered Dreams, Dashed Hopes & Left Broken Hearted...

I think the dynamics of relationships are very complex. I mean we are all relational beings, who desire intimacy and relationships with others. Trying to keep that relationship afloat can be challenging. A relationship takes 2 people. You both have to intentionally work at it. The more you spend time together, get to know one another and become part of each other's day to day life, you either continue to grow or you grow apart.

If you continue to grow closer...eventually your life goals and future plans (marriage, family etc.) are inevitably brought up and discussed. You may even be discussing future plans as a couple... a couple dreaming a life together and thus putting all your future hopes and dreams into that person, into that relationship.

But what happens when all the planning and all the dreams for your future come to a screeching halt and that magic carpet you've been flying on up on cloud 9 is unexpectedly pulled right out from underneath you? What happens when your dreams are shattered, your hopes dashed and all you're left with is a broken heart? What do you do?  

As I have looked back over my past broken relationships. I've realized something I didn't and maybe couldn't realize at the time. Those valley's were actually opportunities for me to grow and I now have info I didn't before. It's hard to know why things happened when you're still in the midst of the pain and the heartache. But looking back and seeing where these guys are now I am confident in saying, "Praise GOD for un-answered prayer!" Where these guys are now and the lives that they're living are not where I am or would want to be or the life I would want to live.

I am now able to look back and see the things that I either couldn't see or refused to see about these guys and realize now that GOD was actually protecting me! Poor GOD, because boy did I wrestle with Him a couple of times. But He can see so much further into the future than I can. There were times when I got so caught up in the emotions of the relationship that all I could see into the future was our big dreams that we had dreamed up together. The pure bliss I was feeling (at the time) caused me to dismiss some red flags and miss the the road signs up ahead that read, "Caution"..."Slow Down"..."Wrong Way"..."Do Not Enter"..."Stop"..."Dead End".

Of course I'm not saying that all these guys were bad. There were a number of reason's for why these relationships ended. Some times we wanted different things, sometimes they were jerks and other times they didn't value their faith as much as I did. But all in all they were just bad guys for me.

I've come to realize that when I am unable to let go of a relationship or do what I need to do to end it, GOD will sometimes step in and shut that door. I have actually prayed to Him in the past to shut doors that I knew I didn't have the courage to close myself. Some have taught me taught me much about my self, the kind of relationship I want and warning signs to avoid relationships I don't want to be in. 1 Corinthians 15:33 "Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”


All in all these relationships have taught me the importance of a strong foundation in every aspect of my life especially relationships. That a relationship should be built on the foundation of the Word of GOD and Jesus Christ alone! It's so important that as a Christian I date only like minded Christians...that I am not unequally yoked in my dating life. 2 Corinthians 6:14 " Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?"

Even though my dreams may have been shattered, my hopes dashed and my heart broke! It is GOD and His will with who I entrust my dreams and desires. It is God who I turn to when hope is difficult to find. And it is GOD who carries my heart, comforts my heart and heals my heart!! Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

The 12th Hour Miracle

Well I am sure some of you may be wondering what has happened since my most recent posts. "Home Sweet HomeLESS" and "Valley of the Unknown." Well I am certainly not homeLESS but there is still a lot about this valley that is unknown! From the start of this blog I said I was praying for a miracle. And the one that I got I wasn't expecting at all! :)

In fact I was beginning to think that GOD was going to answer my prayers by allowing me to lose my home and having to find a new one at some point. So I decided to put on a positive attitude and accepted this lot of mine...knowing GOD must have a reason for it and tried to look at it as an adventure. 1 John 5:14-15 "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him."

That didn't mean this situation wasn't hard to swallow...The unknown of this eviction notice caused me great distress, anxiety and lots of fear even in the midst of trusting Him. But during this difficult time I have continued to call out to GOD and listen only to Christian music and watch only faith family movies.

It became clear to me as I packed up my things that I didn't really have a place to stay and that I would indeed be homeLESS!!Something I had never had to face before and that scared me to think about it. So after formulating a plan and talking to some people. By GOD's grace and His alone, some last minute funding came through. Psalm 40:1 "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry."

I believe this unknown valley or the point of my faith being tested has been to help me to get over some fears of mine and to teach me to completely trust GOD no matter what the outcome. Trusting Him completely has been a struggle of mine as of late until this recent set back.

~~To my "Good Samaritans" - you know who you're! This verse is for you. Galations 6:2 "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."  Thank you "Good Samaitans" for carrying my burdens! :)~~

The Valley of the Unknown

Eviction update: So today I was served the eviction notice. Letting me know that I have only 5 days to pay. After that I will be locked out. Holding that notice and reading those words I was overcome with fear and emotion. Immediately I called my parents and the woman discipling me. I knew I had to come up with a plan. So I called one friend while on my way to another friend's for dinner. After talking to both friends we were able to come up with a plan of action.

While at my one friend's house my family conferenced called me for an intervention, "Operation Rescue Bethany" - so to speak. :) They voiced only 2 options but none of these options were me staying in the desert with GOD. After they had expressed much concern, fear, love and the desire to rescue me. I in turn expressed to them that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the desert was exactly where I was meant to be.

That GOD promises us trials, tests & tribulations. And that I have to remian in the desert in order to see what's going to happen at the end of walking through this valley. I can't just run away to the comfort of the familiar when the going get's tough! Psalm 23:4 "Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

After I shared what GOD had revealed to me. My family replied, "I am proud of you for taking a stand and standing firm in what you believe in. And we support you!" That was an 180 degree turn from what they originally had expressed to me. Even causing my one friend to say, " Wow the way you and your family calmly spoke to each other, with no fighting was great to hear."

 In difficult situations when many people are voicing their opinions it's easy to get carried away but we didn't do that! Having the love and support of your family makes going through life so much easier! Thank you GOD for your blessings and the trials of this life that are your mercies in disguise!

Home Sweet HomeLESS

Being unemploymed can be a scary thing. You find yourself faced with the unknown! Unaware of how long you will be unemployed, if you'll be able to find a job in this job market and if you do, will it financially support you!?! At first you're hopeful that something will open up but as the weeks turn into months, you start to panic! You try to hold onto your faith and to think positive thoughts and keep looking for a job. But as the 1st approaches you try to prepare yourself for the worst. Realizing you're in this one on your own and that there is no calvary in sight, you don't know what to do! You have already exhausted all your resources and dont know where to turn! I could sell furniture and heirloom jewelry and get less than its actually worth. Of course at times like these it seems that lots of ideas pop up in your head...of ways to make money fast. Ways that are probably wrong, illegal even and definitely immoral! Why is it that during difficult times in your life the saying, "desperate times call for desperate measures" comes to mind? As if saying that doing something drastic or sinning is the only way out of your problems!?! Of course by now you're praying for a miracle because your past that 12th hour mark when you were sure GOD would have stepped in only to realize He just might allow you to loose your home thus ending up on the streets homeLESS. At this point you don't even know how to pray anymore and you see that hope start to disappear. Today management is filing the paperwork for eviction and I'm scared to death. I've never been without a roof over my head or a comfortable safe place to take refuge from the storms and the evilness in this world. I want to believe in a miracle. I want to believe that GOD will come in on His white horse and save the day. I am literally holding onto my faith for dear life. But at what point do I face the truth, start packing and give up? Because I have arrived at those crossroads today! But thinking about moving far away from my home is crushing and heart wrenching. Just thinking of leaving my church makes me want to cry! I just don't know what to do!!