Nothing can prepare you for the day when you come home from work to find that your neighborhood, your apartment complex, your building, your parking spot, even your front door was the very scene of a crime.
Last night when I arrived home at 5:45pm I came home to police cars everywhere. I knew something wasn't right but wasn't sure what. After asking neighbors what was going on, I was informed that at 5pm (when I getting ready to come home) shots were fired outisde my front door. The first shots were fired in my building in the row of apartments next to mine. The shots continued out into the parking lot hitting a car 2 parking spots over from my parking spot. I remember driving home wondering why it was taking so long to get home, why there was so much traffic. I actually left earlier yesterday than I usually do.
I can't help but wonder what time the gunfire ceased? Or what would have happened if I had pulled into the parking lot earlier than 5:45pm last night? Would I have gotten "Caught in the CROSSFIRE"? I thanked GOD for being held up in traffic last night and I know without a doubt that He did that to spare my life! But even though it was spared, the traumatic events of the evening still caused me much stress, anxiety, and panic. As the night unfolded I remember thinking this couldn't be happening...that this act of violence was too close for comfort! And of all the nights I tried to get in touch with people, last night proved to be the most difficult time to do so. Of course that frustration only intensified the panic and anxiety attacks. Which mixed with being in the emotional state of hyper vigilance created for me - a very difficult night. I was unable to eat or sleep and cried most of the night out of fear for my life. I kept thinking that gunfire was going to come flying through the walls at me!
I spoke to someone last night who minimized the situation by saying, "It's not like you have a gun held to your head" - which of course didn't help, because it caused an already jittery terrified woman who was huddled on the floor to picture the worse case scenarios causing the existing fear to only increase. I was so terrified last night that I slept all night on the floor (with the lights on). I was too afraid to sleep in my bed - which is up against the wall that faces the parking lot. I was so shaken by this traumatic event that I called into work and took a personal day today. Even guy friends who I told about this said that they would be freaked out too and one was going to sleep with his gun by his side last night. But I had no gun, I had no one physically beside me to protect me. I had sweet friends offer for me to stay with them but I was paralyzed by fear, unable to move, afraid something would happen to me if I stepped outside my front door.
I know very lfew details concerning the circumstances surrounding last night's event. I have no idea if this situation could or will happen again? Given that this situation was a domestic violence one - it is a likely probability! The individual who commits an act of domestic violence will not stop until their agenda has been accomplished. I know this all too well, as I am part of the committee for my state's Coalition Against Domestic Violence organization that works to change laws to protect victims/ survivors of Domestic Violence. In fact this month is actually, "Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month".
I don't know why awful things happen. I do know we live in a violent world. That violence happens everywhere! I don't know what we're supposed to learn from these traumatic events when they do happen!?! I know fear is not of GOD, but when it overcomes you, it is very difficult to break free from it's grip! There are many times in our lives when we will get "Caught in the CROSSFIRE(s)" of this world. These "CROSSFIRE's" could be anything: Temptations, Difficult decisions, An unwanted pregnancy, Bad relationships, Precarious situations, Medical decisions, Decisions where a difficult decision needs to be made, Or you may find yourself walking into a Bad Situation - "At the Wrong Place, at the Wrong Time" kind of thing...something completely out of your control but it is too late to turn around because the situation is now already part of your life.
I believe that the purpose of difficult situations taking place in our lives, is for a couple of reasons: 1) To prepare you for future similar situations still to come, 2) To be used as a training tool to refine your character 3)To be used to help others, to relate to others 4) To help us be able to better handle our emotions, how we react or emotionally respond to situations even people & 5) To draw us closer to GOD.
So even though I am still a little shook up from last night and am still fearful of my living environment and for my safety...I am also thankful, thankful that I get to live to see another day! That I get to wake up and see the sun shining through the beautiful blue sky, that I get to hear the voices of loved ones through the phone, that I get to look forward to meeting my new nephew in a few months and that I got to experience the beautiful smile of my precious niece as she looked at me from across the table while throwing her lunch on the restaurant floor....lol. Just hearing her sweet little voice call out to me, "Aunt B" as she stretches out her little arms for me to pick her up so I can hold her as we walk around the restaurant...is indeed a precious gift that this day had in store for me. Each day holds different things for different people. Mine was filled with fear, relief, thankfulness, laughter, and joy. Some people today, won't even make it home to their loved ones tonight...due to traffic accidents, murder, plane crash, suicide and even a fatal gun shot wound.
I don't know what tomorrow will hold but I'm going to try to focus on making the most of the gift of another day...no matter what happens tomorrow...I will thank GOD that I was alive one more day to experience it, to live it, to be a part of it! :)
